Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Together... Forever... That's All...

Just the other day, another one of my co-workers asked me the question… "Do you think you're going to LIKE being with your husband 24/7?".  My answer was a resounding YES!

My husband was a confirmed bachelor when I snagged him and reeled him in.  He was resigned never to marry and had planned to live out his life alone... but I changed all of that!  This is my second marriage and it's very different from my first.  We've never had a true "fight".  We've never raised our voices to one another.  We've had very few heated disagreements… (I can't even label them arguments).

Of course I'm still working and leave him for long stretches daily, but even after 13 years together, I don't want to stop off at the grocery store on my way home if I know he's waiting for me.  And he always manages to be waiting for me…  Our most happy times are those spent together on our boat.

Bruce marvels at this phenomenon…  His concept of marriage was based upon that of his own parents.  He is one of eleven children and his father worked several jobs.  His parents had very little time alone together (other than that used to produce children it seems…).  So when we began dating and eventually married, my insistence upon doing everything together was foreign to him.  I, on the other hand, grew up with parents who spent all of their time doing things as a family whenever my Father wasn't at work.

The blush of youth is long gone from both of our faces... Bruce has traveled this earthly path long before me, gaining the wisdom that has made him more able to deal with my peri-menopausal hormone attacks, and with far more grace than I deserve.  I have wondered who, if not Bruce, will bear the brunt of my periodic hormonal episodes?  Usually these are reserved for some unwitting customer service rep or an unfortunate employee of mine...  What will I do with that little bit of  "crazy" when we are pent up together alone far from shore.  I welcome the advice of my Cruising Sisters out there (leave comments) and I will certainly be consulting my Doctor in the very near future about how to avert this disaster.

I guess a lot can change when we set out and are forced together with no escape…. but I think we've naturally developed a pretty good way of dealing with disagreements.  Most times we end up laughing at the absurdity of it.  Fortunately for me, Bruce has the patience of a Saint and handles my childish insistence on having my way without strangling me.  I do see him sometimes start towards me with fingers outstretched, just itching to squeeze my neck a little… BUT he always manages to control the urge.

Perhaps we will need to develop a "time out" place... or some other way of finding a personal space.  Communication is key here... When we first moved aboard, I began to develop a complex… it seemed as if every time I went to the aft cabin to use the head, Bruce followed along with me to continue our conversation.  This grew to monumental proportions in my mind and I finally had to tell him that it bothered me to have him follow me to the bathroom.  A bit of privacy in the head is all I'm asking!  Since I've mentioned it, things have smoothed out, but it was a big deal for a short time.  

I'm sure that when we are under way, opportunities for being "alone with my thoughts" will present themselves.  Long hours on night watch are perfect for self reflection.  I sometimes even find myself drifting while doing routine tasks like cleaning the bathtub or running the vacuum.  There will be times when I stay aboard and Bruce dinghies ashore to take care of business of some sort.  But for the most part, just sitting near one another in the cockpit in companionable silence is "alone time" enough for us.

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