Sunday, February 12, 2012

Wanted... Crystal Ball

I was driving to work on Friday and began to think about Crossroads.  Sometimes you don't know you've passed one until you see it in retrospect.  Other times you stand poised before one... In the mind's eye you peer into the future.  You try to envision what lies  ahead down each path, and you make a choice.   Bruce and I are standing at such a crossroad.  Thus the need for the Crystal Ball.  

I guess we aren't really still AT the Crossroads. No, we've already begun our journey down the pathway of choice... But it's not yet too late to turn back.  I can be indecisive but once a decision is made, I tend to blast my way to the goal.  We began down this road once before and I won't say we turned back, but we did take a detour.  We sold our home and purchased our current place.  Instead of it being a small rental to keep as backup while we went cruising, it ended up being a Cruising Kitty eater.  All is well now.   The fix-er-upper is fixed up and paid off and  we're ready to continue on down the path.

So, we put our boat up for sale... no hurry, it's winter and nobody buys a sailboat in the winter, right?  We aren't desperate, we've got plenty of time.  (Just our toes on the path)  We do some (lots of) research and settle on our "dream boat".  Several out there, more than we want to spend but hey, the economy is bad, it's a "buyer's market".  But wait!  The one we want goes off the market!  That's not in my plan... I wanted it! 

No worries, I settle back into my current life and try to pretend I've got patience.  Meanwhile, we show our boat to a few people and hope for an offer.  Suddenly a very sweet young couple appear on our radar.  They want our boat and make an offer.  Now remember we're still not desperate, no boat on the market that we really want.  So we stall and say no. 

But wait... is that our dream boat back on the market?  Emails fly, excitement builds and with it, doubt and uncertainty.  Here is the crossroad.  We crunch some numbers and get encouragement from the Broker that perhaps an offer such as we could afford to make might be acceptable...  now it's up to the sweet young couple.  Are they still interested in our boat?  Will the deal go through?  Oh, the lack of control is killing me!  THEY SAY YES!

Bruce and I sat there in silence... just blinking at one another... each thinking our own thoughts, our minds casting wildly around to find a foothold.  GULP!  Now what!  We've sold our boat.  OUR BOAT!  It's like being nudged from behind further down the path.

Now the doubts really begin to fly.  How can I let go of all of my possessions?   I really like that leather chair...   How can I get my work situated so that I can leave in good conscience? They just aren't thriving with this new system...  What do our daughter's really think about us leaving on a boat?  I'm sure they never thought we'd really do it...  Will the kitties survive life on the boat?  I'll just have to find a place for that litter box on board... What will I do about health insurance?  One word has kept coming up lately... peri-menopause... Will my health hold?  Maybe I'll just get a hysterectomy now.   I've already had my appendix out...  Will Bruce's health hold?  I can't handle a shin snapped in half in a tacking incident (that nearly happened by the way...)  Will there be pirates?  I read the reports...  What about the Kraken?  We will be in some really deep water!!!!

OK thats ENOUGH!  Quiet already.  I've been talking to cruiser friends and reading sailing blogs and I have never once encountered anyone who hates it.  Surely those people can't be illiterate and just not writing about it.  There are no internet censoring, pro-cruising, information police out there.  We're going!  Send that Crystal Ball crashing!  No regrets, what will be-will be.  The thought of squandering this gift by waiting too long is unacceptable.  Each day not spent with my husband, on a boat, doing what we love to do, together is one more day lost to regret.  Time to stop casting about for certainty, nobody ever really has that anyway.  We will take each day as it comes, and continue pressing onward.  Cruising is just a little bit closer now...