Today I felt a burst of energy and got up ready to clean out some of the areas that are just collecting stuff. Off I go, laundry folded, another load in to wash, then I see him standing outside of the bathroom.
I follow his slow shuffle into the bathroom and see that he's already started (before taking his pants down). I get him settled, wait while he does his thing. I clean him up, but I decide that he needs a shower. Off we go to the guest bath where there is a tub and shower chair and all of the paraphernalia needed to bathe him without herniating a disc.
I notice that he is clutching at anything close. He's becoming unsteady and fearful, so I slow down and use a calm voice and a helping hand to calm him. I repeat, 9 times, where to hold onto the grab bars to get into the tub. Sitting down on the shower chair is another struggle. When you have dementia, sitting down on a chair that is behind you can feel like you're falling into the abyss. He crouches but won't commit. I finally talk him through it and he's ready for his bath. Warm water calms him and he likes the bath.
Hair washed, body washed and exfoliated, feet exfoliated, time to get out. He is wobbly as he stands, still clutching. He doesn't know what I'm telling him to do. He has forgotten how to lift his foot. He doesn't understand when I tell him to turn around. I gently shift his body but his feet are planted like palm roots. I tell him. I repeat. I demonstrate. I tell him I've got him as I feel the blood being squeezed out of my hand by his clenched fingers.
Still, I persist. One foot out. More repeating, shifting weight, more demonstrations. Finally, he gets the other foot lifted out of the tub. I've tried steps. That scares him. I've got soft adhesive on the side of the tub. I've got grab bars everywhere. Short of a remodel, I've done my best.
There he stands in a slight crouching position. His hands are like vice grips on mine. His body is tight like he's about to do a bungee jump. I towel him dry, difficult with the octopus hands grabbing the towel. I take his hand and tell him "let's go to our room and get you dressed". He's cooperative but his feet are not. They're still planted. We take a relaxing breath and I can see his crouched stance begin to soften, and I coax him to lift a foot. Slowly we walk the short distance to our room.
Putting on his underwear is another teachable moment. Lift this foot. Repeat. Repeat. Tap the foot. Finally, one foot is in but it takes a while to get his other foot off the ground. I find a thick cotton t-shirt and fish for his hands through the arm holes. Hand over head as I slip the shirt onto his body and I'm exhausted, dripping in sweat. I suggest a nap and help him into the bed. He's softly snoring now and I'm too spent to work on - what was I going to do today?
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