You plan to have dinner with friends, then you see him sitting on the toilet bowl with his pants still on, and the seat up. You text your friend to cancel - again.
Today is not the day.
You let him sleep as long as possible in the morning, then you wake him gently and tell him that it’s lab work day. He doesn’t do well in the mornings until he’s had some time, and some food. We have a routine - it’s a process. He’s a little wonky but cooperative. The lab takes him right in. He just looks around with curiosity while his blood is being drawn. He’s unconcerned as long as you’re closeby. Bloodwork done, you give him his electrolyte water and some fig bars to eat in the car on the way home. You had hoped to get some things done today, but had not planned on being exhausted already, and it’s not even 10am. You give it a halfhearted try, but you realize as you give up and usher him up the stairs…
that today is not the day.
You wake up in the morning, motivated by an uncommon energy. You begin putting away the little things that you’ve been setting aside. These things are everywhere, and the clutter makes you feel like you’ve lost control of your life. You think back to the time when nothing was ever out of place, then you look around at the chaos of unfinished projects, and you wonder how this has happened. But today, you get busy.
Today is the day!
You take your Love by the hand and together, you go outside for a short walk in the warm sunshine. You donate some things to the community collection box, and return home. You're feeling good, busy with this and that, you look over to find your Love standing in the hallway with his forehead against the wall. Panic stops you in your tracks!
What’s wrong? How do you feel? Come sit down! He says: “wind”. You realize he’s standing over the fan. You blame yourself! You've let him get too warm! He's overtired! You haven't fed him enough today and he feels dizzy. You looked away too long!!
You give him some water and a banana. He’s still fuzzy but the scare has passed. He wants to go lie down. He is a very light sleeper and often wakes up suddenly and in need of reassurance. So you let go of all of the things you were going to do today. You try to forgive yourself, because it isn’t laziness, or even a choice that slows you to a stop.
Today is just not the day…
Today, you forget about all of the clutter, both real, and in your head. Today, you take the TIME. You recognize what a luxury it is to be able to just set everything else aside and be there with him. All he needs is you. You feel joy, and a bit of relief when he wakes up with a smile. He seems to be a little more present after his rest. Then comes the gratitude, because you know that one day, you’ll have all the time in the world to put your house in order, because he will no longer be by your side.
You feel gratitude because today is not THAT day.
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