Saturday, December 17, 2016

You Won't Believe What They Did To Me!

So I'm the cat.  Jezabelle is my name.  I live in a giant floating tube surrounded by water that tastes very bad and sometimes finds its way into my living space... but that's a story for another day.  I have two humans at my command and they are woefully inept at finding me a proper meal.  They have presented me with a parade of different forms and flavors, many of which I found to be inedible...

I guess I let on that I found one or two flavors to be marginally acceptable because it seems thats all I ever get these days...  Just to keep them guessing I sometimes refuse to eat, and others I gorge myself until it all comes back up again, but that's uncomfortable, so I don't do it often.  But I dearly love to hear their cries as they step in a cold puddle on their way to the galley to feed me early in the morning...  I know.  I can be mean.

So anyway, where was I?  Oh yes.  I was telling you about what they did to me today!  My life is normally pleasant enough.  I get lots of naps and lap sits and scratches.  I have my man right where I want him and sometimes won't let him get into bed at night without a slap... so basically I am the boss.

I was minding my business this early afternoon and my humans began speaking in low tones.  Something was up and I knew it immediately.  Before I could take evasive action, SHE came and scooped me up with him right behind her... holding the box of horrors!

I was literally STUFFED into this thing and my head pushed down when I tried to nose my way out before the closure was zipped up tight!

The world began to tilt and spin until I was deposited unceremoniously into the cockpit... but there was no sun for napping today.  It began to rain and the wind blew like crazy for a bit and I feared that I had finally gone too far and they were about to fling me into the water to sink like a stone in my box.... This can NOT be good.  No good EVER comes of it when I'm stuffed into this box.  What new horrors have they in store for me? I can only wait to see how it all unfolds.

As soon as the rain stopped, I began to feel better about things.  Maybe we were going to just sit here for a while... Then I was swept away once more and could hardly believe my eyes!  WHAT??  I'm not going into that thing!!!

Many times my people have gone away in the small floating car.  Normally they leave me alone and I just sleep until I hear the approach of the noisy thing... sometimes I get up and come see them, but just as many times I sleep right through their arrival... No use giving them any ideas like I'm happy to see them or something.  But this time it appears that they are taking me with them!

My lap
I can hear my woman speaking to me gently, trying to allay my fears but I'm not having it.  So I do the only thing that I can think of currently within my power, to express my extreme displeasure... I whizzed in the box.  Yes, she noticed!  

How do I know she noticed?  Because she moved my box off of her lap and onto the floor, then covered me with a towel so that I couldn't see anything!  She said it was so that I didn't get splashed with salt water but I know the truth!

If all of this wasn't enough, I felt the floor begin to bounce and lurch.  It was kind of like when we move the house sometimes, only more bumpy.  I could hear the water splashing and the sound rumbler was close and loud!

At this point I must have gone to another plane of existence because the next thing I remember I was on the floor in a dimly lit room and they were unzipping the door to my box.

I popped out immediately and began looking around.  It was a small room with no good place to hide... I know... I looked!

My people just stood there watching me.  I tried to look calm and in control of the situation but I could feel my fur ejecting in tufts... serves them right for messing up my day like this!

You know how I feel about doors being closed to me?  You don't? Well let me just tell you.  Don't do it.  I pawed at one door and was able to get it to swing open enough for me to squeeze through.

It was the room where humans keep their litter pan.  I found myself a nice spot right behind the pan and settled in to wait for further developments.  As long as they don't try to get me to go along with their plans...I'm fine.

My woman came and went, pretending to care how I felt about all of this when I know good and well that if she cared about me one little bit I would still be sleeping on my tuffet back home...

Unfortunately somebody needed to use the pan so I was snatched up and made to leave my hidey hole...

It wasn't long after that when the real reason for this gross imposition on my will became perfectly clear.

I could see out the door that there were others here as well... not cats but those dogs...  And they were undergoing some sort of process that filled my heart with dread...

I wasn't fooled by the laughing ladies... Oh no!  I could sense the nervousness in my woman.  She was worried about something and it made me tense.

Next thing I remember they were coming for ME!  That man came into my room and I was made to sit on the table while he manhandled me.

You heard me right!  He grabbed me and felt me up!  He looked into my eyes and at my TEETH... Like I'm some sort of animal!  Next thing you know they'll want to put a saddle on me and ride away!

And the worst thing of all, my woman let him do it.  Sure she tried to scratch my chin when attention was turned toward my bottom...

But I knew what was going on...  I'd been through this before!  Why anyone would want to do that to a cat is beyond me!  I embarrassed myself by expressing my shame with a low and pitiful sound.  I couldn't help it.  It was just too much to bear, really.  I'm done!

And don't think you'll be forgiven any time soon you... you... PEOPLE!

I guess the man thinks that if he says how beautiful I am, he'll be forgiven.  If he says that I don't look my age I'll not remember his face forever and hunt him down to exact my revenge.

I hang my head in shame and wait to see what comes next.

And it does.

Back into the box I am stuffed.  Not kidding.  STUFFED!  We bump around and I am glad to see that we're leaving that place.  I wonder if all of those others know what's in store for them.  Stupid dogs... tail wagging and hand licking their way through life like serfs.

Wait, what?  NO!  Not back into the floating car!!!

It doesn't seem as bouncy this time so maybe I can hold my water... for now.

Maybe we're headed back home.  Maybe it's almost over!  Maybe I have survived to leave a wet spot of barf on the floor at the foot of the bed in revolt against this outrage!

To add insult to's raining.  Yes.  Raining.

Why is she laughing like some kind of maniac???  I'm going to make her pay for this... just you wait and see.

Oh thank CAT we're back home!  I wait patiently to be trundled back into the cockpit and the zipper unzipped...  Whoops, gotta turn around the other way.  I can't act too keen on getting inside.  Gotta play this cool, never let 'em see you sweat.  If only I could keep my hair from springing from my body in evidence of my nervousness...  Just play it off...

There... That's better!  I don't usually get dinner in the middle of the afternoon, but I guess they're trying to get into my good graces.

We shall see about that...  Now where was I before I was so rudely interrupted.  Oh yes... A NAP!

Mom's note:  Jezabelle was thoroughly checked out last April but I wanted to make sure things were good and have a new health certificate done before we head off into foreign waters.

We were impressed by the welcome and the efficiency of Dr. José Cruz.  He comes over to Culebra once a month or so and he was very responsive to my needs as a Cruiser with a pet.

Jezabelle was given a clean bill of health and I was counseled about what to expect with an aging feline... but she's all good!  Except for the attitude of course.


  1. Poor Jezebelle, the horrors that you have to live with. Elsie and Gus have a similar rough life onboard. Here is Gus's take on it.

    1. Oh he's so handsome! I've shown his pictures to Jezabelle and she's definitely interested... Maybe some day they can be friends in real life!

  2. Such a cute post! I love hearing how things really are from Jezebelle's perspective.

    1. I wouldn't believe everything she says if I were you... But thanks!