Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Once A Cruiser

A moment, long ago, in the Bahamas...
Once A Cruiser ~ Always a Cruiser... or so my Cruiser Friends tell me.  But inside, I'm not so sure.  Dos Libras is officially... no longer ours. 

We have successfully navigated the selling process, and Dos Libras belongs to someone else.

Suddenly finding myself without a sailboat... for the first time in decades... , I'm sort of floundering. Since that day way back in the 80's when I randomly picked a hobby ~ any hobby ~ and sailing was it... Sailing has been my purpose in life.


And that purpose is now gone...

Seriously... THIS is who I really am!
We all need an identity, something to guide our thoughts and our actions.  Something to point to and say to others, "This is who I am!".  It's like a brief introduction to get people up to speed so that you can begin in the middle, instead of the beginning, when telling your story.

So now what???

This is a very strange time for us.  Both of us are struggling with disassociating ourselves from the boat.

We picked up the new owner, Rainbow... last week, and brought him to his new home.  The home that used to be ours, but is now his.  (Say it enough times, I'll eventually  believe it, right?)

THAT is who we are!  Aaahhh we miss those days already...
Meet Rainbow on his first day living on the boat, now called Vahevala
Rainbow is very Zen.  His needs are few, and his outlook is very calm and untroubled.  How I would LOVE to be more like that!!!

But that peace eludes us at the moment.  Our heads are full of lists!  Things that WE think he needs to be doing first... We seem to STILL be planning our days based upon helping Rainbow get to the auto parts store for oil, maybe a trip to the West Marine for stuff.  What stuff?  I don't know...but he MUST need something!

Our former world ~ lying peacefully in Warderick Wells, Bahamas
At the very least, I take charge assist in getting the US Documentation form submitted... then maybe turn my attention to getting him lined out with the FCC so that he can keep the ship's MMSI number, the one that's entered into the VHF...  That needs to be done, right?  That's important!  Paperwork is my Super Power, after all... It's something that I am very good at.  Organization makes me feel like I'm in control.  THERE it is!  I'm no longer in control of our the boat's destiny!  And it's like a part of me is going off with a stranger!

Will he take good care of her?  Will he... Nope, not going down that rabbit hole.  I'M NOT!  It's none of our business what he does, or does not do!  You can not imagine how difficult this is.

I worry that he's going to... see!  There I go again!  I just can not help but feel the strong pull of responsibility toward our that boat!

I remember this day.  We were wondering what our future holds...
This photo was on our Boat Cards
Our thoughts are all in a jumble.  There is a profound feeling of relief, that we are no longer responsible for the welfare of a 45' yacht.  We no longer have to dread hurricane season... well, at least not to the extent that we DID!  We don't have to watch the weather daily and make our every decision based upon what is best for the boat.  We don't have to be concerned when it rains, when it blows, or that the simple forces of nature are taking aim at our most valuable possession.

On the other side of that coin, is the fact that we are no longer free to roam the seas at will.  We may never again experience the joy of arriving to a deserted anchorage on some tiny islet or cay, and discovering the untold beauty that so very few will ever see.

So this is it.  Later this week, Bruce and some friends will help Rainbow get Vahevala from Patillas to Salinas, where he will spend some time getting acquainted with his new home.  I am not going with them.

I can't.

I have been the master of that boat since the day I first stepped aboard.  I don't feel that I can separate myself from the boat so that someone else can be free to make the decisions and call the shots.  I just can't do it, and I'm not willing to try.  For me, it's best if I just rip the bandaid off!  Just walk away and not look back.

But you know what?  Once I turn my head... I can fully embrace the here and now.  And while our days are filled with sitting by the pool, and walking the beach... and exploring our new island home, our hearts will always be full from the 1,940 days we spent as Cruisers, and Dos Libras, we shall remain.  It is no longer the name of our boat... it is who we are.  Only now, we're Dos Libras in Puerto Rico!

I think Island Girl has always been my true identity!